People say God lives in the sky, in his house somewhere far away۔ For me, however, God isn't the light bulb buzzing far away, or the light that is at the end of the tunnel. I found him closest and sometimes in the mysterious places.
I found God on the floor, when I once crashed on it, vomiting until it made me hollow, unable to move, staring my reflection in the bathroom mirror, when I thought I would die. He picked me up, and showed me the way out.
I found him in the eyes of my source I interviewed, who said he saw his children killed in front of his eyes and he still believed that God is kind. God was sitting there, looking at the man with pride.
I found him on the hospital stretcher, when all I could feel was pain, my clothes smelling of sweat, and doctors pricking me with needles, one after another. He was there with me, in the hands of my mother, comforting me as her lips read the verses of Quran. He was there.
I found him in the cold water, that was running down my body as I was burnt from neck to toe and could think of nothing but let my skin melt away in the running water. He was there, healing me through out, so much that I was able to go back to my real self.
Everytime the world wronged me, God was there, holding me, my hand and even my heart, telling me I deserve better. And when I could not speak and words would feel like stone stuck in my throat, so He said that I don't need to, because He understands my tears and knows the exact words.
He has called me angry, crazy, cynical, unfaithful, many times, but He has also called me a friend, a friend of His friends, and sometimes he turns away but the moment I knock on his door, and sometimes even bang on his door, He would open the door and accept me, the way I am.
He is here, in the hands of my mother, in the changing complexion of my father of all the hardwork he did for us, in the comforting words of my teacher, in the blanket that the girl on mowkib brought for me, in the money that once my friend lend me when I needed it, in the severing of hopes and in the unkind words that pierced through my heart. He hasn't left us.
For some, God is in the loaf of bread
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